One Straight White Guy's Open Letter to Straight White Guys


I get it. I’m a straight white guy too. It’s a scary world where all these brown people and gay people and WOMEN count the same as us.

But it’ll be okay.

Because it turns out gays and women and brown people mostly like Honey Boo Boo and football and sixteen slightly different singing competitions too. After doing some research, I’ve found everyone thinks they’re going to be rich someday so if you’d stop hating them most of them would even be Republican.

It’s a brave new world, that’s true, but it’s really more like moving from that old square TV to the big skinny one the grandkids got you last Christmas. It’s the same old shows, just a little more colorful.

So, seriously, stop worrying so much. Just sit back, relax, and start enjoying retirement.

Sincerely, One Straight White Guy