The Birthday Boy: What a Rogue Wants

26 years now behind me I feel that I've gained some insight into life's larger questions and mysteries. I could share some of that insight and wisdom with those of you less fortunate, but that's not what this blog is about. This blog is for my Birthday wish list. Take note, people. There are still about 15 shopping hours in the day and UPS overnights.

1. A kid -- You wanna talk about a sneaky wife? I hadn't even made this list and Ella goes snooping around figures out my number one birthday wish and delivers...well not right away, but soon. I've got a keeper!

2. Guitar Hero III for the Nintendo Wii -- Sure, you may say to yourself, how can he put those two back to back? Well, the truth is, if we hadn't just found out we were pregnant, GHIII probably would have beaten out the kid for the number one spot. I mean, come on, the guitar is WIRELESS! What more do you need? But I slid it on down to numero deuce. I thought it would be rude to put a video game above the person I'm trying to name right now, you know?

3. Peace in the Middle East -- I would have said "world peace" but truthfully there are parts of the world that I'm just not that worried about. Besides, I heard Will Smith say this one time on an awards show about twenty years ago (when we knew him as the Fresh Prince) and it sounded so cool I filed it away for later. Well, it's later!

4. A Better Job -- That's really not true. I love the job I have. I would just like it (or one very much like it) to pay better. The cool part is that other than getting a kid (which is pretty much a certainty at this point, have you seen Ella's belly?) this one is the most likely to happen. There is a promotion brewing for this Rogue. I can smell it.

5. To Never Have Hemorrhoids Again -- I'm not sure if it was the universe's early 26 birthday present or if it was just sympathy pains for some of what Ella's going through, but after 25 blissful years with my butt, I got my first hemorrhoid this week. No matter what Sesame Street told you (you didn't see that episode?) H is not for hemorrhoid and they are NOT ANY FUN! Thank God it's gone now, but I'm reading WebMD and rubbing my lucky rabbit's foot to ensure that it doesn't happen again.

6. A Win for the Saints -- Yes, I'm a huge Saints fan, but this definitely falls below no future hemorrhoids. After last years great season, I thought all the talk of curses and superstition were over, but here we are again 0-2 and facing a tough Tennessee team at the dome this Monday night. Since I live in New Orleans now, I have officially become a Voodoo master and I'm throwing good gris gris all over Deuce, Reggie, Brees and Colston this week. Those boys better get it done, or next week the city's chickens are gonna be in deep trouble (see that's a chicken sacrifice joke, there).

7. NBC's New Fall Lineup to Last -- Everybody knows how I feel about "Heroes", "The Office", "My Name is Earl" and "Scrubs". Well, thanks to Cox On Demand, I got to see "The Bionic Woman", "Journeyman" and "Chuck" this week before they actually air. "Bionic Woman" is the one I had the highest hopes for and largely I think it delivers. Just like "Battlestar Gallactica" it takes a show that had a great concept but was really cheesy and turns it into a cool sci-fi drama. "Journeyman" I didn't expect to like, but it was well written, even better acted and shot beautifully. "Chuck", on the other hand, I might actually cry if it doesn't make it. Not only is the concept (geek becomes super spy when nation's secrets are downloaded into his head) awesome, but Zachary Levi is really funny. He sort of reminds me of Zach Braff when "Scrubs" first started. Also Adam Baldwin (from "Firefly" and "Serenity") is in this and if any one in Hollywood deserves a good weekly spot on America's TV sets, it's him. Please, ladies and gentlemen, make it so.

Well, that about does it. Go out pick up those items (not to sure what you can do about the hemorrhoids thing, maybe just send me good thoughts?) or watch those TV shows or whatever it takes to get it done. You don't wanna let the Rogue down on his birthday, do you?

OH! I forgot, one more thing...

8. Life Size Version of Donkey Kong --