I Hate Oscar! (**Sarcasm required**)

The elitist Academy proved once again last night that they've hidden their heads in the sand and made the safe and predictable choices instead of awarding the truly deserving. Is Martin Scorcese really the best director this year? Or is he just an Academy darling who wins every award he's up for? That's what I thought!

Jennifer Hudson winning an Oscar! Simon Cowell thought she was "out of her depth" and who is the Academy to second guess the fantastic judges of "American Idol"? You wanna know what the "Best Picture" was this year? I have two words for you. Ricky. Bobby. Will Ferrell could act circles around Leo Dicrappio, and in a heated back alley battle royale my money is still on Ferrell (I've seen what he can do with a pitchfork).

The rest of the awards weren't much better. Idi Amin won for "Best Actor" proving once and for all that Hollywood IS on the side of the terrorists (look forward to next year's feel-good film, "The Last Sheik of Baghdad: The Saddam Hussein Story." It'll probably win George Clooney another Oscar). "Borat" was cheated out of the "Best Adapted Screenplay" award. To showcase the glaring error the Academy made on this one, here's an excerpt from "Borat":

Borat: I like you, do you like me?
Driving Instructor: Of course I like you.
Borat: You are my friend?
Driving Instructor: You're a nice young man and, yes, I am your friend.
Borat: You will be my boyfriend?
Driving Instructor: No, I won't be your boyfriend.
Borat: Why not?
Driving Instructor: Okay, yeah, I guess I can be your boyfriend.

Moving. Compassionate. Challenging. Those are just a few of the words I could think of to describe that passage. It's genius my friends, overlooked genius. Now here's an excerpt from the film that beat out "Borat", "The Departed" adapted by William Monahan:

Frank Costello: Church wants you on your place. Kneel, stand, kneel, stand. If you go for that sort of thing, I don't know what to do for you. A man makes his own way. No one gives it to you. You have to take it. "Non serviam."
Young Colin: James Joyce.
Frank Costello: Smart, Colin. Guineas from the north and down Providence try to tell me what to do. And, uh, something maybe happen to them. Maybe, uh, like that.
[cuts to Costello executing two people on beach]

Well, you can't make it much more plain than that, can you? Not only could Mr. Monahan not write a movie on his own (he had to translate somebody else's) but then he goes and quotes other authors. It's called plagiarism buddy, and like Borat feels about Jewish people, I don't like it!

There were some things I liked about the awards:

1. With the invention of Tivo and the ability to skip commercials, the ceremony can now be viewed in just under 16 hours!

2. The lingering rumor that Martin Scorcese and George Lucas are actually the same person can finally be put to rest, since they appeared on stage together...of course, their best friend is Steven Spielberg...Lucas does own ILM...could it have been CGI'ed?

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3. Al Gore didn't announce that he's running for President again, but he did imply that he invented motion pictures.

4. Since Eddie Murphy wasn't the one that beat Mark Walberg for "Best Supporting Actor" he gets to live. Sadly, Alan Arkin is not so lucky. Watch out for the Funky Bunch, Alan.

5. Jack Nicholson showed solidarity with his new love, Britney Spears.

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