W's Second Life

The Baby Boomer's, a generation that is swiftly approaching retirement age, will be the most active senior citizens in the history of mankind. Many of them will take up new hobbies and pastimes while some of them will take up a whole new career. George W. Bush is perhaps the most famous Baby Boomer, and his current job is about to throw him out (with a big parade and a fancy military band, but he'll be on his own regardless).

His would-be successors are lining up, and there seems to be a boatload of them. We've got Hillary, Obama and Edwards on the left, and McCain, Giuliani and Romney. Nothing like shaking hands with the guy (or girl) that's gonna have his feet up on your desk sooner than later to make you start looking towards the future. He is far too young and healthy to just fade off into obscurity building his museum. So I thought I'd give the Pres (that's my nickname for him, he and I are good buddies) some ideas that he might research during the upcoming election to replace him.

Job Opportunities and Personal Pursuits for G. W. Bush

1. Pitchman for Insurance Agency -- With the recent Super Bowl, Kevin Federline (or Mr. Britney Spears) made waves with his commercial lampooning his own fall from semi-stardom. The tagline for this ad is "Life Comes at You Fast." I think it's a perfect fit for W.

We could see him speaking in the Oval office, waving at adoring crowds, and standing in front of the now infamous "Mission Accomplished" banner all at the height of his popularity. Then we'd see him flipping channels at his Crawford ranch, while the news broadcasts images of Speaker Pelosi and President Clinton (the second one). George could look longingly at his Presidential portrait hanging over the fireplace and then the announcer throws out that catchphrase, "Life Comes at You Fast."

Genius. In fact it may resurrect his public image. You remember what the Viagra commercials did for Bob Dole.

2. Search for Weapons of Mass Destruction -- George is likely to have 30 years or more of active life left after he leaves office. That should be plenty of time to find SOMETHING that Saddam wanted hidden. He could recruit some great help too. I'm thinking O. J. Simpson is probably free since I hear he's finally given up looking for the "real killers". In between shooting his best friends and recovering from heart attacks, Dick Cheney could probably even lend a hand.

Just think how satisfying it would be to drop a big "I told you so" on his detractors 20 or 30 years from now as he slaps down a Soviet suitcase nuke dug out of the sands of Baghdad. Then imagine the look of surprise when it explodes from being slammed around...On second thought, W, let's let sleeping dogs lie.

3. Become an "elder statesman" uniting with former political opponents to serve a greater good. -- Think back to the election of 1996. George H. W. Bush and Bill Clinton were locked in a bitter race, as the elder Bush struggled to "not be a one-termer." Fast forward to last year as Bill and Bush traveled the country putting a face on Hurricane Katrina Recovery.

Couldn't the younger Bush pull this off in a couple of years? Can't you see him riding the roads with John Kerry, raising money to aid in some pressing national problem, putting aside political divisions, playing golf and joking about growing older? Alright, me neither. Let's just scratch this one off the list.

4. Start a film career. -- Many former entertainers have made the transition into the political arena, not the least of which is Bush's hero, Ronald Reagan. Why can't W go the other way? He already has a reputation as a strong-willed, swaggering cowboy. I'm thinking he would make a great on-screen companion for Tommy Lee Jones. Or how about putting him in an odd-couple type film? I'm thinking a remake of "McLintock!" starring George in the John Wayne role and Barbara Streisand in the Maureen O'Hara role. Tell me they wouldn't have chemistry! The spanking scene in particular would have a lot of fire in it.

5. Announce the dissolution of Congress and claim the title of President for Life. -- This is a long shot, and almost definitely unconstitutional, but who knows? We live in a different world since 9/11. The enemy we face now doesn't carry a flag or declare their intentions to make war, they strike without warning and hide amongst us. Do we really have time to debate legalities, and change leadership every four years when we are at war? I think not, and I'm pretty sure W might just agree with me.

Well, we've given the Pres a lot to think about. He's not exactly under the gun yet, but his time for choosing his next path is drawing short. I know how he likes to make his decisions all alone without outside influence or opinions so let's just leave him alone with his thoughts.

**Author's note** For those that don't know, I'm a Republican. I'm fairly conservative (as far as foreign and fiscal policy goes), and despite his flaws (which are many) I've proudly voted for W twice. I also like a good joke, and think that without poking fun at our leaders we get far too caught up in the rhetoric to get along. Laugh at the politicians, they're funny. Then vote your conscience. **End Author's Note**