Drunken Idle: A New Kind of Reality Show

I have completely underestimated American's (and the occasional immigrant's) desire to appear on national television. As someone who disavowed reality TV completely until last season's "American Idol," I had assumed that the fruit-loops that would appear in the audition promo's were the exception not the rule. I knew thousands of people auditioned every year for the singing competition (and the dozens of knock-off programs), but I assumed that the vast majority of those thousands were like me. Sure, they can carry a tune, but there is no real star potential. Well, we all know what happens when we assume (it has to do with making something out of you and me, ass-u-me, get it?).

The sixth season of "American Idol" is underway, to huge ratings I might add, but so far the talent level is considerably lacking. The "decent but not spectacular" singers are few and far between, the "great undiscovered talent" is almost non-existent, and the "train wreck-horrible" singers are coming out in droves. These people must know that they have less than no talent. I refuse to believe that all of them have gone through life blissfully unaware of their shortcomings, and yet week in and week out they open up their mouths and humiliate themselves on national television.

Why? What compels these poor, lost, tragically tone-deaf souls to submit themselves to humiliation at the hands of Simon Cowell? Are people really THAT hungry for fifteen minutes of fame? 'Cause if that's the case, surely an intelligent fellow like myself can use that burning desire in the hearts of suckers...I mean my fellow human beings, to my benefit.

Now, you can't really have a singing competition through a blog. Sure, I could get you to all upload audio clips of your melodious voices, but first off you're not likely to do it, and besides, I don't want to subject myself to anymore bad singing. So, here's how we play "Drunken Idle"! (You see how I changed the spelling for humorous social commentary, as well as to further avoid legal problems?)

You post a comment below, telling me why you think you should be the next (or first, technically) "Drunken Idle". I will then belittle you (all in good taste, I promise) using both your profile picture and your original comment (as well as any personal stuff I can think of) as ammo. Of course it's possible that you might not want to submit yourself for public ridicule, but judging by the millions that have auditioned (badly) for the above mentioned program I think we'll get at least a few responses.

What will you win? What, the notoriety of being the "Drunken Idle" isn't enough for you? Pish-Posh! Alright, here's the deal. If you are crowned the next (or technically the first) "Drunken Idle" you will arise from the ranks of the nameless hundreds of Joel's friends to the coveted (and currently occupied by my loving spouse) Number 1 friend spot. From this lofty vantage point you can look down on those less fortunate (and less talented) than yourself, as well as become the envy of literally dozens across the internet. In addition to the Numero Uno spot, the winner of "Drunken Idle" will become the subject of one praise-filled blog. Since my blog is probably like the 4,934,125th most popular blog on MySpace, you can see the notoriety that this exposure could gain you. If there weren't literally dozens of you lined up to participate before the prize announcement, I know there are now.

<span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">***UPDATE*** One of four things has happened:</span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)">

<span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">1. I have vastly overestimated the willingness of people to humiliated in the quest for fame, or vastly underestimated the class/intelligence/sophistication of my readers.</span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)">

<span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7"><span.."blog_clickhandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">2. My wit and humor, while entertaining when pointed at celebrities/politicians/customer service representatives, is just too scary for people to put themselves on the line for it.</span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)"></span.."blog_clickhandler(this)">

3. I didn't sweeten the pot enough.

4. Some fourth thing, that I can't currently think of, is keeping you people from responding.

So, let's up the ante. Not only will the winner of the inaugural edition of "Drunken Idle" win the coveted "1 Top Friends Spot" (in my heart and on MySpace) but they will also recieve a blog written just about them. Their grace/beauty/intelligence/originality/startling resemblance to Mussilini will be outlined in great detail for all my readers. I don't want to overexaggerate, but for some of you this may be your only shot at immortality. So, what do you say? Let's get those comments flowing.***UPDATE***

After a suitable amount of time for entries (and humorous comments from me), we'll put the finalists to vote, and announce the winner. So let's go, people. Let's crown our "Drunken Idle". Submit yourself for approval (and humorous taunting) below.