Exhaustion, Anticipation, and Absolution

I'm sorry. I know it seems that I've left you all behind. In the absence of my daily dose of delight, most of you have been as mirthless the past week as I have been. What I've done is unforgivable. I get you used to a steady diet of the Rogue's humor and then I cut you off cold turkey. Well, I'm sorry and I hope you all forgive me. I do have some excuses though (like you thought I wouldn't?) and I might as well share them.

Late last month I decided to join a "competition" (I use the word in quotations, because there is not real winner in this "competition") called National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write at least 50,000 original words between midnight on November 1st and midnight December 1st. That is a fairly arbitrary finish line, but the idea is that breaking it down to 1,600 words a day is quite do-able. It is...for someone else. I have done well on the novel so far, it's advancing nicely and I've made several discoveries about the characters and myself as a writer already. It is not getting finished this month. Even without the work on the novel, I would have likely written less blogs in the past two weeks than normal, but when you figure in a little time to work on the novel, I've written three pieces in 12 days -- way off my average.

For those that are looking forward to my first real piece of fiction (some would claim most of my life is fiction) the book IS coming, just not right away. As for the blogs, I'm back! Maybe not up to full steam for the next week or so, but I'm definitely back with fresh wit and wisdom, straight from the desk of the Drunken Rogue. Aren't you lucky?

So what kept me away? I fought a valiant battle against the forces of darkness in the form of a dragon and an evil sorcerer. Okay, not really, but that would have been a kick-ass excuse! What really happened is, Joel got extremely busy at work. Literally (I'm tempting fate here) everything that could have come up, did. I've done more commercial production, live remotes, on-air contests, public appearances, etc. in the past two weeks than I have in the year before that...Alright that's an exaggeration, but it got my point across. I'm tired. But fear not, even in this weakened state, I can write the funny like no other.

Things of interest that have happened in my absence:

1. K-Fed and Britney go splitsville -- There was also the breakup of Ryan Phillipe (how the hell do you say his last name?) and Reese Witherspoon, but I let that one go. They're not big enough stars to warrant the Rogue's attention. K-Fed, on the other hand, is the kind of mega-star that only comes along once in a millennium (okay twice if you count MC Hammer). A man of so talented that he could woo and win a woman that literally had her choice of any man on the planet. Not only did K-Fed's magnificence win him Britney's hand, but also her loyalty while he (to be tactful) dillydallied with "women of the night". The man's a stud, let's all just face it, and crown him the "Sexiest Man Alive" not for this year, but for all time. Incidentally as the couples split was announced, K-Fed's class, sophistication and sly business sense became apparent as he demanded custody of their children using a purported "sex-tape" as bribery. Smooth.

2. O.J. needs to pay the rent, but can't find those pesky "real killers" -- O.J. Simpson was once a great running back, he was also a beloved (although no one knows why) actor in comedies like "The Naked Gun" and "The Naked Gun 2" and the classic "The Naked Gun 33 and 1/3." Apparently O.J. missed the part in the NFL players handbook that stated his status did not give him the coveted "License to kill." So he hacks up his ex-Wife (K-Fed, are you taking notes?) and her lover, leaves a bloody trail all over Los Angeles, and gets away with it. But he forgot something during the trial. O.J. forgot to take do his victory dance on top of his former in-laws' table. So, he's making up for lost time by releasing a book entitled, "If I did It" (re-titled from the original, more controversial "I Did It and There's Not a Damn Thing You Can Do About It!"), and is appearing in a FOX television special entitled, "If I Did It, Here's How It Happened" (this was also re-titled from the edgier "You Know I Did It, I Know I Did It, Now I'm Gonna Dance, Fools!"). It strikes me as odd that someone would not only be interested in hearing O.J. detail the manner in which he wishes he killed his ex-wife and her boyfriend (you just can't stab them right in the heat of the moment), but think that the rest of America would want to hear this story too. The worst part is, a lot of America will want to hear it. Our country is more and more illiterate everyday so I'm not worried about his book selling well, but the ratings for the TV program will be high. Stay classy, America. Stay classy.

There is another little news story that some of you may be aware of, this weekend marks the release of not one, but two new video game systems. The latest from the house of Sony (the PlayStation 3), and the newest from Nintendo (the Wii...no pee jokes allowed). I myself have already pledged allegiance to Nintendo (in case some of you haven't read anything I've ever written before), but the PS3 (isn't that a nifty name?) has a lot to recommend it. It's basically a supercomputer and a high def movie player all for around $600. Of course there's only about 4 of them in North America, so the only way to get one is by hijacking the delivery truck, boarding a small jet with your new console and living out your life on a remote Caribbean island. Good luck running it without electricity.

The Wii, unlike the PS3, is not about horsepower. It is only marginally more powerful than the current video game systems, but does deliver a brand new experience through motion controlled games. The innovative controller is the focus here. Add up a new control scheme and classic game franchises like Zelda, Metroid, Donkey Kong, and Mario, and you've got yourself a bargain at $250. There are going to be significantly more Wii's than PS3's but the system is still expected to sell out. I'm getting mine Sunday at Midnight. Over the next week or so, expect to hear a lot about what I think of it, as well as how different family members and friends react to it. I'm not trying to get a job with Nintendo, but if their system is as great as I expect it to be, I don't mind sharing that experience.

Now we are all caught up. It feels good to be back with you. I'll try not to be gone so long again. It's lonely and sad in the real world.