We Could be "Heroes"...if Just For One Day

NBC's new hit series, "Heroes" tells the story of people from all over the globe that realize they have strange and wonderful (or terrifying) powers. A cheerleader from Odessa, TX can heal any wound, a artist in New York can paint the future, an office worker from Japan can bend space and time. It's a great new series that delves into questions of fate, purpose, responsibility and conscience. It's also freakin' awesome to finally see superheroes done well on TV! If you haven't been watching the show, you can get caught up this Sunday as NBC shows the second, third and fourth episodes (check local listings).

The show's main protagonists all have fairly cool, and "normal" powers (if there is such a thing as a 'normal' superpower). But in a world so realistic surely there are those who have evolved abilities that...less attractive or interesting. After a lengthy interview with the creator of "Heroes," Tim Kring, I discovered that there are "less than super" heroes in his universe. These characters may not make it into the show, but they certainly deserve exposure here.

The Top Five "Not so Super" Powers

1. Mr. Invincible -- No, this Not So Superhero doesn't have the power of invulnerability. He can't quickly heal damage like the cheerleader on the TV show. He does have a strange and miraculous ability though. He can quote any and every line from the recent Walt Disney film staring Mark Walberg, Invincible. If you're having a hard time fighting evil and need some cliche but uplifting quotes to perk up the troops, Mr. Invincible is your man.

2. Sparkle -- While her name might make you think of someone like "Jubilee" from the X-men comics, who could shoot "fireworks" from her hands, that thought would be wrong. Sparkle uses her abilities as a struggling actress and model. Sparkle has the power of blindingly white teeth. Although, they're not actually blinding, they are just really really white. If they were blinding that would actually be interesting. Nope, she's just got white teeth no matter how much coffee she drinks or how many cigarettes she smokes.

3. Captain Flatulence -- Sure, the idea of a hero with the power of fart isn't exactly appealing but if they were super level farts, the kind that could break windows, blow down doors, or incapacitate your enemies, that could at least be useful. Unfortunately Captain Flatulence's farts are not so forceful. They are incredibly smelly, and he can do it on cue, so that's something. Not sure exactly how this mutation is supposed to help the human race.

4. Second Hand -- Hiro, is one of (if not) the best characters on the "Heroes," one of the reasons he is so cool is because his power is fantastic. Hiro has the ability to bend space and time, not only is he able to teleport, but he can literally teleport through time as well. Second Hand likes to consider herself the Hiro of the "B" team, but her power is somewhat limited when compared to our Japanese friend. For one thing Second Hand can't teleport. While she can stop time, she can't move outside of it like Hiro does, so once she stops time she just sits there and waits for it to start again like the rest of us. So far the "Not so Super" heroes haven't really found a use for her abilities, but you never know.

5. North Star -- Every team needs a leader and the "Not so Super" Heroes are no different. What better leader could they ask for than North Star? His "not so super" power makes him especially adept at leading since it gives him an internal compass. No, he doesn't always know the direction he wants to go, nor does he always know which direction North is, he can however always point towards the nearest Kmart. Which, if you're looking for sub-WalMart merchandise at blue light special prices, can come in mighty handy.

So, they may not be gifted with the power of flight, or the ability to move through time and space instantaneously (or even at all), but they use their abilities (small though they are) to the betterment of their fellow man (that's questionable in Captain Flatulence's case). They are the "Not so Super"Heroes!