Boxers or Briefs...And Other Life Defining Questions

People who say life is not black or white are just wrong. There are questions (a lot of them actually) that seperate us definatively. You either line up on my side or on THEIR side. And honestly, who wants to be on THEIR side. These questions often seem mundane enough, but they are the basis for strife, hatred, and turmoil. I'm talking about THE questions.

What are THE questions? You've heard them before. You've probably answered them before. Maybe you didn't even notice, but those answers probably ruined some friendships for you. And you thought it was just because "you grew apart." Pish Posh, it was THE questions!

5. Coke or Pepsi? -- I know I have some readers from other parts of the country, but this one doesn't even really deserve discussion, especially down south. If you're drinking Pepsi, you must be a masochist, knowing you are so close to soda perfection and yet, so far away. I pity you. Really, I do.

4. Chocalate or Vanilla Ice Cream? -- Sure, you may be thinking, "Doesn't vanilla just mean you're boring?" False! Vanilla means you are a discerning consumer with taste buds sophisticated enough to enjoy the quality of "plain" vanilla. Only the simpleminded need the faux excitement of Chocolate.

3. Fruit Loops or Lucky Charms? -- So you're one of those people that is always "after his lucky charms" huh? The toucan has so much to offer you. I'm not trying to say that your cereal is nasty per se. I'm just saying, if you're not "following your nose" then your eating stale marshmallows.

2. Stones or Beatles? -- Sure, Jagger and Lennon were friends. Sure they both put out some of the best rock songs of all time, but when it comes down to it you are either a Stones person or a Beatles person. Put me squarely in the Lennon/Harrison/McCartney/Starr category. I love me some Stones, but those boys have outlived their usefullness. Compare their greatest songs. Would you take "Paint it Black" and "Can't Always Get What You Want" or "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" and "Helter Skelter"? I thought so.

And the ultimate question...

1. Boxers or briefs? -- I guess I showed my preference already by not capitalizing briefs. But really, when you outgrow underoo's, you've outgrown briefs. Ladies, this question applies to you as well, because you have to have a preference for your man. You can't tell me by the way that a man looks manly in briefs. Little boys wear briefs. Period. Except for wrestlers, 'cause those aren't really underwear, those are trunks, and therefore fully acceptable for a manly man.

So, which side of the fence (or more appropriately, fences) are you on? Let me know whether I should delete you as a friend or not (kidding, of course). But seriously, think about this. People buy into crazy stuff like horoscopes all the time to determine whether or not they are compatible with other people, I figure my system is just as foolproof as that stuff.