American Idol Must Be Stopped!

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Now before you launch into, "What do you mean? You said you loved Idol this season." Let me explain myself. I am not an Idol Hater. My brother-in-law falls into that camp and while I value his opinion on many issues, on this one he missed the boat...and the train...and somebody stole his bicycle.

No I don't want American Idol off the air. As a matter of fact, I want two hours of programming every week instead of an hour and a half.

"Joel, you've been sniffing glue again," You say. "You titled this thing American Idol Must be Stopped! and now you say you want more? Explain yourself."

O.K. (You're really pushy by the way). I want the competition to stop. We don't need an American Idol this year. We need six. With Wednesday's results giving Ace Young the boot, I am not prepared to let any of the rest of them go. They are all so good and each so different. I've talked about Taylor and Elliot before but allow me too...

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Wait, this is my blog. I don't have to ask permission. I could ramble on about the health benefits of eating beets if I wanted (although admittedly my readership would probably fall). Where was I? Oh yes, manly love for Taylor and Elliot:

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Elliot Yamin: He is everything that is missing from modern R&B. For those that don't know, before R. Kelly called his lady love a "chocolate Factory" (whatever the hell that means) there were love songs in this genre. Al Green begged us to "Stay Together" and Otis Redding lamented the emptiness of "These Arms of Mine." Elliot harkens back to this, combining elements of Stevie Wonder, Michael Buble, Brian Mcknight and Harry Connick Jr. He also brings a winning personality and a humble attitude.

Taylor Hicks - If Joe Cocker had been raised by Ray Charles and Loretta Lynn, that would have been weird. It also would have resulted in a similar southern fried soul master like Taylor. His song choice has not alw

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ays been perfect.

"Country Roads"...lead me wrong. Honestly Ray Charles sang like 1,000 country songs did Taylor just forget all those?

But even with a bad song Taylor still shines, because of his obvious love of music. He's just like you, he rocks out in the shower, or beats the rhythm on his steering wheel, or drowns his sorrows in "I've Got Dreams (To Remember)." The difference is Taylor has immense talent, a fresh face and an exciting voice. He also has the perfect stage to transform himself into a rock star.

My other favorites, Paris and Katherine:

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Paris - She is like the reincarnation of Billie Holliday or Ella Fitzgerald. Though her squeaky speech wouldn't give it away, she has a lower register that oozes whiskey, worry and cool. The way she skat sings through melodies that

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others would sing straight is breathtaking. Unlike other contestants no genre has tripped her up, yet. She has only one flaw...apparently the other two girls left in the competition are more popular.

Katherine - Like my other favorites she is very comfortable with classic music. She has almost as much vocal control as Paris, but either a more marketable image or a more likeable personality, because for the last several weeks all the polls I've seen have her neck and neck with Chris and Taylor, the leaders.

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I Still love em:

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Kelly - Kelly is like the semi-retarded cheerleader next door. She's cute, she's painfully naive and she can actually sing. Sadly she is not as talented as any of the other contestants.

Chris - I'll admit he has a beautiful voice. Soulful, clear and very original. His, however, would be the only "American Idol Season 5" album I am unlikely to buy. I thought when he auditioned he would bring a little more southern and a little less rock, but alas, I was mistaken.

Well, After writing it all out like that, I guess I could handle it if Chris and Kelly were eliminated. But then, seriously, let's just stop. Maybe we could give gold stars like in Kindergarten. Then get their album in stores, immediately. Oh and can we leave Bucky off the Idol's Tour? I think he's got a dentist appointment all summer long.